The Signs Of Our Time!

Boston City Councilman Jerry McDermott’s recent resolution to remove the Citgo sign from the Boston skyline seems to be just another attempt to infuse the debate over George Bush’s policies with one person’s personal politics. Hugo Chavez, by inappropriately and foolishly using the world stage of the U.N. to apparently develop a stand-up routine for the left and a lightning rod for the right should be called to task, and possibly face a reprimand from the U.N. – although I don’t feel that is forthcoming.

But the Citgo sign, well the issue of the sign’s existence is frankly a non-issue. Making it an issue is just one more way to distract the public’s attention from the fact that under the disastrous policies of George W. Bush we as a country have become less effective in helping to shape a positive world view, and have become a laughing stock to even some that were once our allies.

So please, Mr. Councilman, if you are trying to turn the Citgo sign into the next “Freedom Fries,” please stop, and just continue the good work that you have become known for in the Allston/Brighton district you serve. And let us stay away from escalating the hatred, mistrust, and small-mindedness that seems to be the hallmark of this current administration. Let’s get back to the time when being an American was a good thing, something that people around the world could respect. There are issues here and abroad that need all of our attention, from day care for the young and old, the ongoing conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq, -- and soon, Iran. We are dealing with issues of health, our city streets, homelessness, gender equality -- and the list goes on.

Please – let’s focus on the real issues and not get distracted by ridiculous political posturing.

Maurice Rucker

Drive around,tune In, and turn on!

As a creative person, my life demands that I, from time to time, must pursue employment that requires less of an emotional and or intellectual commitment, but still within keeping of an income that that government has designated slightly above the poverty line. So, with that being said, this past summer, I took a job as a delivery driver for probably Boston's most high-end flower shop.

It was a cool job until the boss, who I imagined was going to be cool, funny smart, and teach me soooo much about the flower industry became a micromanaging, condescending, little control freak with a Napoleon complex and a streak of paranoia usually only seen in coke heads and Mexicans in California.

So needless to say, that job didn’t last very long. But one very cool thing about being the delivery guy was that I got to listen to the radio all day long. And there is nothing better on the radio than talk radio. It is the best! I listen to it almost exclusively.

WBUR in Boston is my mainstay, although I have just discovered Air America Radio, a station with a left-of-center format. They talk about what I feel, but honestly Al Frankin. who is on from noon to 3:00 every day, can get on my nerves. I agree with a lot of what he has to say, but I don’t know, he just seems to be a little tooooo self-important. Whereas Stephanie Miller (9 – noon) is a completely different story. (va-va-VOOM)

On Sunday mornings, I turn to WGBH to get away from the WBUR God show. Not that I don’t like God, I just think that this particular show is boring. I also turn to GBH to listen to Prairie Home Companion. I discovered this show as a hippie kid, hanging out in head shops in Troy, New York. I do listen to conservative right- wing radio on long trips because 1) it keeps me awake by giving me the opportunity to yell at the radio and 2) it pisses my wife off, and it's actually appealing to me to see her mad at something other than me. But I enjoyed driving around in the delivery van all day listening to all of the programs, in between walking up to million dollar homes and handing them million dollar looking arrangements, mostly to people who could be named Consuela or Lupe.

Then for me it's back in the car with Nina Tottenberg. I've never seen her, and I hope I never do. I've imagined her to look like a cross between a young Gloria Steinem and Angelina Jolie. I don't know why. That image just works for me. I saw Terry Gross once, and I was not happy – not that she is an unattractive woman. She’s actually kind of cute with the glasses and short hair and all. She just didn't look the way that I thought she would. She has that great laugh, and she just knows how to conduct an interview. She seems to be smooth and funny and unflappable. But why I thought that she would look like Katharine Hepburn is beyond me.

I like the morning radio call-in shows on NPR and I'm even tempted from time to time to call in. Because that's something I would do. When I was a working musician, I would spend a lot of my late nights returning from a gigs in Rhode Island, or New Hampshire or some other ungodly location @ 3:00 a.m. I would listen to WBZ radio. Because the only thing on NPR @ that time of night is the BBC. I don't even know what Greenwich Mean Time is, but I guess someone cares, cause they keep saying it over and over. There is also a superior sounding guy named Robin Lustig or something like that. No one wants to listen to someone who is apparently over educated, telling his guest in an oh-so-proper and yes condescending accent laden with a tone of insincerity and disdain. "This is your second time in front of the Judge Magistrate, and your barrister has requested a bail reduction because of your apparent hardship which I'm sure was brought on by all of your years of drugs, drinking and debauchery, but I'm sure you don't expect us to believe that that was someone else's computer with the child pornography on it - do you Mr. Glitter?”

I want to hear a local guy, someone on the same time schedule as me. Someone who is nearby someone who is well read, but not too hi-brow. "Hi this is the Jordan Rich show. Tonight we'll be having our monthly look at new movies - anything you've seen? Any thing you like? And later on book-lady is here. Give us a call at..." See, THAT I can handle, but these public radio types "Welcome to The Connection. Today, economist Dr. Lotta Bigwords will be talking about her book entitled Everything You Know About Math is Wrong and Here's Why. This will be followed by our discussion of a recent Yale study on how lint is formed and what that means to the American space program and your calls.” Apparently only MIT graduates are put through to this show. They say some of the callers are from elsewhere, but I am very, very suspicious. But I listen, I learn and eventually the show will have an interview with Bob Dylan or something and it'll be worth it.

Hire a black man to be your friend!

Being a black man, there are things that I can only imagine. For example; sometimes, I would imagine that being white is not all it’s cracked up to be, and being a white man can just be a downright drag. You’re expected to act a certain way, do certain things and most of all, you’re supposes to have a certain group of friends who look like you and act like you. Sometimes when you think you have it all then you realize that there is one thing missing. Diversity!

Are you looking to demonstrate how diverse your friends are? Do you want to add a little Funk to your dysfunction? Well you can now “HAVE A BLACK MAN AT YOU PARTY! For a small negotiable fee, I would come to your party and be your very close black friend from childhood or just a guy who you met and it just seemed to click. You could even tell them that I was the houseboy from your fraternity days (that costs a little more). Put your liberal friends to the test or piss off your conservative ones and have a nice laugh while doing it. You will be the talk of the boardroom and the bedroom for weeks to come. Show them that you can kick it in all circles, show em that you can get down with your bad self. And this ain’t no Carlton from Fresh Price kind of black man. I can play various black stereotype like the “pull myself up from my bootstraps black kid from the projects” or ‘the convicted felon on the road to going straight. This can be hours of fun without any real danger.

Together we’ll create a back story or a "black story", Photoshop photo album featuring a wide variety of shots that might include; you and me as kids or at an Earth Wind and Fire concert, double dates at the prom, shots of us from The million man march, and many more. We’ll tell old jokes that only the other knows and we can even work out a scene from “The Defiant Ones”
Don’t delay, the party season is here and I’m booking quickly. Remember, I do birthdays, holidays, bar mitzvahs, weddings, and sweet 16 parties. Don’t let your lack of pigmentation get in your way order today. Sure you’re white and you don’t know any black people at all, well that’s ok because now all of your friends will think you do, And don’t worry, it can be our little secret.

Lucky Me, Lucky Me!

I am having a great day; things could not get any better. I don’t want anyone to feel bad, but I’m going to just have to brag anyway. First of all I turned on my computer and went on-line and to my surprise I find that not only was I selected to win 2 free I-Pod nanos, but that there are women in my area who want to meet me- RIGHT NOW! Do you believe that? Meet ME. My head is spinning. As if that were not enough, when I go to my e-mail I get an e-mail from a Nigerian diplomat and thay’re going to be sending me money (I don’t quite know all of the details) but cool, out of all the people in the world this Nigerian has picked me. The computer is an amazing thing, and I can only hope that you as my friend can gain access to all of the wonderfulness that the Internet has to offer. By next week I will have a collage degree, cheaper medicine from Canada, I’m going to loose unsightly pounds, and I expect before the end of the month I will have a huge penis thanks to my good friends on-line.

This all happened before I got out of my pajamas. So check this out, I walked downstairs, dreaming of looking slim as I’m driving my new Lamborghini, holding my law degree and swinging my massive schlong. I open my mailbox - the first letter I see tells me that I may have already won the publishers clearing house thing. There is another addressed to Maurice Rucker, who is me, and or current resident, coincidently this is also me. For no reason I received 20% of off my next purchase and Bed, Bath and Beyond (Not just Bed and Bath) have you ever heard of a luckier day? I hope it keeps up, and I hope you get some of this good stuff, but I guess I can’t expect everyone to be as lucky as I am. All of this, plus people who don’t even know me want me to be their Myspace friend. Is that amazing or what? I guess there’s just something about me. Some of the girls even invited me to look at their web-cams. How lucky was that? I feel like the “Rhinestone Cowboy getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know, and offers coming over the phone”.

I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl. I don’t want to go to sleep now, but I must, but I can only hope that tomorrow will be is lucky as today. Do you think it will? Yeah, I think so too.